After all things have been done, I decide to go back to my own country for a year. Among other reasons, I would love to spend some time with "mama's mafia boss". I'm not a mafia boss, and my mom is not that scary (She is, but not that much).
Besides, there are so many things I set out to achieve in that year:
- Resume my Japanese study, and get at least N4.
- Build up confidence of driving car
- Get a diving certificate
- Get a boat license
- Practice Kendo
- Get lots of certificates closely related to my field of working
Surprisingly, people are way too eager to jump into conclusion in so many ways, without any contemplation of other's actions or facts. They are too fascinated by tips of icebergs. Life is not that simple, or I am thinking too much.
Indeed, there are two types of simplicity: one is naively, blindly, clueless strait who have ultimately take everything as it is; and another makes simplicity by choice. The latter is fully aware of the complication of matter, and decide to iron out the mess. Both types may lead happy lives unless no crisis come into picture.
At least until now, I strongly believe the second will stay strong and firm in any circumstances and have led my life toward this direction. And keep on failing ...
I have so many variables in my equation. Therefore there are multiple solutions.
I fail to find the simple way out and lost in the maze of anger, frustration and irritation.
The questions:
Should I kill this relationship and turn back to my single life ?
Should I stay here or move back or travel to another country ?
Should I cling on this "relaxing" job or switch to different intersting and busy one ?
Should I keep on worrying about how I could save $5, what I will eat for lunch/dinner, how I could make my boss richer ... or start to make a world better place ?
Human are way too selfish. I am sick of them.
I am human, I am sick of myself.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Monday, November 2, 2015
Grow up and be an adult, idiot !
As an adult, I can/must:
- Work at home
- Be responsible for ... job, house rental, bill payment,
- Drink favorite beer and wine
- Cook meals
- Keep everything in order
- Travel around the globe
- Stay as late as I want (But rarely do I)
As a kid, I love to:
- Listen to Studio Ghibli soundtracks and whistling along,
- Talk to the birds, and snails, and plants
- Jump around hyper-actively when alone
- Watch the star at night
- Listen to the cricket
- Love reading graphical novels
- Enjoy watching cartoons and anime
- Be curious about ... everything, stars, spiders, computers, psychology, ...
- Ask way too many questions
- dream of things, real vs unreal, past vs present vs future
- collect bottle caps, and sea shells
- Stay naked and run around the house
The point is the second list is more lenthy compared to the first one.
Sometimes it pains me noticing I have, no I must grow up and take care of so many things. Responsibility chains me down like the kid must obey to his parent, unwillingly. It is just different that they are chemical substances inside my brain are the ones in charge now, forbid me doing mischievious stuffs.
Free soul is what I am after,
Steel cold chains is what I am offered.
While swimming in the sea of faces,
Against the tide of human race,
An answer now is what I need
See it in the new sun rise and
See it break on your horizon
Oh come on love, stay with me
- Work at home
- Be responsible for ... job, house rental, bill payment,
- Drink favorite beer and wine
- Cook meals
- Keep everything in order
- Travel around the globe
- Stay as late as I want (But rarely do I)
As a kid, I love to:
- Listen to Studio Ghibli soundtracks and whistling along,
- Talk to the birds, and snails, and plants
- Jump around hyper-actively when alone
- Watch the star at night
- Listen to the cricket
- Love reading graphical novels
- Enjoy watching cartoons and anime
- Be curious about ... everything, stars, spiders, computers, psychology, ...
- Ask way too many questions
- dream of things, real vs unreal, past vs present vs future
- collect bottle caps, and sea shells
- Stay naked and run around the house
The point is the second list is more lenthy compared to the first one.
Sometimes it pains me noticing I have, no I must grow up and take care of so many things. Responsibility chains me down like the kid must obey to his parent, unwillingly. It is just different that they are chemical substances inside my brain are the ones in charge now, forbid me doing mischievious stuffs.
Free soul is what I am after,
Steel cold chains is what I am offered.
While swimming in the sea of faces,
Against the tide of human race,
An answer now is what I need
See it in the new sun rise and
See it break on your horizon
Oh come on love, stay with me
Relationship: demanding for the best ?
I wonder whether two persons could get to marriage (or simple be together) without being soul mate of one another.
There are questions and doubts on why I have never shared my past. Not true, I did share. Just that if you hear but not listen, you would not be aware of it. I have rather high expectation after making up my mind to speak: silence and empathy. It is not a shadow of a doubt that one can never reach 100 percent understand each other, so I demand silence, not judgement. And if it is not given once, the trial would fail and cease to continue.
The pain is there, buried underneath. When we talk, jokes and laughter cover it up. For a minute, it is forgotten. As an aftermath, it becomes worse as it confirms how strong the root of doubt grip and how far it spreads.
Is this so call crisis ? No satisfaction, no expectation.
A person who read, we share our books and thought, and ideas.
A person who speak after carefully studying, not being naively and blindly led by public media.
A person who follow rational course of action consistently.
A person who respect the difference that dwells within others, not enforce any subjective ideas.
A person who understand the meaning of Privacy.
A person who see and appreciate the effort in the process, not the final result.
A person who enjoy the nature and play sport.
Am I serving an example of "People asking for too much are not happy". Or is the other person ?
Personally, I consider myself very cautious of the matter of taking and giving. I count when I say "I want ..." :)
At the moment I am afraid of visualizing the scene in which I intend to end this relationship and the other person talk about marriage and children. I can't find a way out.
There are questions and doubts on why I have never shared my past. Not true, I did share. Just that if you hear but not listen, you would not be aware of it. I have rather high expectation after making up my mind to speak: silence and empathy. It is not a shadow of a doubt that one can never reach 100 percent understand each other, so I demand silence, not judgement. And if it is not given once, the trial would fail and cease to continue.
The pain is there, buried underneath. When we talk, jokes and laughter cover it up. For a minute, it is forgotten. As an aftermath, it becomes worse as it confirms how strong the root of doubt grip and how far it spreads.
Is this so call crisis ? No satisfaction, no expectation.
A person who read, we share our books and thought, and ideas.
A person who speak after carefully studying, not being naively and blindly led by public media.
A person who follow rational course of action consistently.
A person who respect the difference that dwells within others, not enforce any subjective ideas.
A person who understand the meaning of Privacy.
A person who see and appreciate the effort in the process, not the final result.
A person who enjoy the nature and play sport.
Am I serving an example of "People asking for too much are not happy". Or is the other person ?
Personally, I consider myself very cautious of the matter of taking and giving. I count when I say "I want ..." :)
At the moment I am afraid of visualizing the scene in which I intend to end this relationship and the other person talk about marriage and children. I can't find a way out.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Watering the garden
At home, I am challenged why I keep on watering the plant in the morning (around 10am) and am told it is too warm for the plant (as the plant will die drinking warm water)
In my mind I challenge back the idea if that is really true :
- When saying it will heat up the plant at noon, what temperature is bad for the plant ?
- Does it depends on the weather and climate of the day
- Does it depends on sunrise and sunset time ?
I believe the answer is much more complicated than "The best time to water your plant is early morning, around 8am-9pm". But why people keep telling each other so ? The only reason I can find is because it is easy tip to remember, without thinking too much.
9GAGgers are very fond of the saying "Apologizing does not mean you are wrong and the other person is correct. It means you value the relationship more than your ego". Now, what if so many people are following this, are they responsible for spreading bull-shit ?
As for those believing that watering at noon would burn the plants:
Optics of sunlit water drops on leaves: conditions under which sunburn is possible
In my mind I challenge back the idea if that is really true :
- When saying it will heat up the plant at noon, what temperature is bad for the plant ?
- Does it depends on the weather and climate of the day
- Does it depends on sunrise and sunset time ?
I believe the answer is much more complicated than "The best time to water your plant is early morning, around 8am-9pm". But why people keep telling each other so ? The only reason I can find is because it is easy tip to remember, without thinking too much.
9GAGgers are very fond of the saying "Apologizing does not mean you are wrong and the other person is correct. It means you value the relationship more than your ego". Now, what if so many people are following this, are they responsible for spreading bull-shit ?
As for those believing that watering at noon would burn the plants:
Optics of sunlit water drops on leaves: conditions under which sunburn is possible
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