Don't waste your time on waiting for the talk. Thought it would make her feel better, but zero fuck is given.
Though you may be distracted by the lullaby of love, the only who you can rely on is yourself. The investment for your body and mind never betrays you.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Expectation
Woke up at three o'clock just to find out the answer to the unpleasant feeling. This has been carried around recently. That is expectation. A saying hanging around in the Internet: "Simple things become complicated when you expect too much."
I have been expecting her to
- move here and live with me as soon as possible, leave out all the rest.
- listen to me, and finish all the matters.
- ignore that dirty fucker who always makes her cry.
- depend on me more.
- not to go to the pub, or club; just stay at home, cleaning up her stuffs.
- be more patient, not yelling, nagging, more elegant.
- not to mention any "number" or "adjective" after the item: expensive, 200$ meals, luxury.
- read more books, listen to more music, study more things
- think twice or the more the better, before she speaks those childish words
- ....
And at 3 a.m, I tried to identify all of my expectations for her; thought twice to get rid of them all; left nothing behind. Felt sense of relief and anxiety. Is that good to expect nothing ? Should I give up the vision where we would start a happy family with children ? There is no goal for this relationship then.
Deep down inside, I can't bring myself to totally trust her when I spot the contradiction between her words and action. The plan remains plan if you don't do anything toward it. Her action proves the opposite. I guess she could not give up her lifestyle there. Then why speak willing to give up everything ! it makes me happy and hopeful, since I am fully prepared to leave everything behind, too.
I cannot find anything to ascertain our relationship, there is no goal to direct myself to and the only way I can do to make myself feel better is to focus on other things: study my master degree, over-time my jobs, read book and exercise.
Try to find what are in her that I love
Nobody says it was easy. No one ever say this could be this hard. I'm going back to the start.
I have been expecting her to
- move here and live with me as soon as possible, leave out all the rest.
- listen to me, and finish all the matters.
- ignore that dirty fucker who always makes her cry.
- depend on me more.
- not to go to the pub, or club; just stay at home, cleaning up her stuffs.
- be more patient, not yelling, nagging, more elegant.
- not to mention any "number" or "adjective" after the item: expensive, 200$ meals, luxury.
- read more books, listen to more music, study more things
- think twice or the more the better, before she speaks those childish words
- ....
And at 3 a.m, I tried to identify all of my expectations for her; thought twice to get rid of them all; left nothing behind. Felt sense of relief and anxiety. Is that good to expect nothing ? Should I give up the vision where we would start a happy family with children ? There is no goal for this relationship then.
Deep down inside, I can't bring myself to totally trust her when I spot the contradiction between her words and action. The plan remains plan if you don't do anything toward it. Her action proves the opposite. I guess she could not give up her lifestyle there. Then why speak willing to give up everything ! it makes me happy and hopeful, since I am fully prepared to leave everything behind, too.
I cannot find anything to ascertain our relationship, there is no goal to direct myself to and the only way I can do to make myself feel better is to focus on other things: study my master degree, over-time my jobs, read book and exercise.
Try to find what are in her that I love
Nobody says it was easy. No one ever say this could be this hard. I'm going back to the start.
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