On my way of changing

And when a considerable amount of these little change accumulates, it is call revolution. 

What is accumulated now ? My hunger... Hunger of devouring her image in my mind, hunger of squeezing her tiny body as if mine can absorb her and combine into one by not two bony arms, but two great walls gradually close, grind everything in between. Hunger is sparkling, and lit a flame. And it is burning from the inside. So hot, so painful, yet so good. 

Why ? 

Why does she not return my feeling ? 

What did I do wrong ? 

Or my mistake in the past was far unforgivable ? 

Why does she not understand how much I am suffering the pain of being apart at this moment ? 

The angle says throw everything away, bring back the water, let the ship row in your heart where she left a hole. 

The devil says why stopping yourself, just step on whatever stays on your way ! Eliminate them all !!!! Any obstacle, even herself, even myself !!!!

Now I'm yearning for the day we meet again, 

Just to look into her eyes, 

To walk under the same street, 

And breath inside the same city. 

Bending myself to be patient, 

Just to make a little change of the look she would bestow upon me. 

...

Seriousness

Is my approach or at least is reflected on me, my face, my posture, or my staring.

Knowing can't give up on her yet, but I can try to think of her less and less, gradually. Just keep myself occupied by work and novels. just the matter of time either she falls for me or I fall apart

Just realize lately I've spent too much, way too much time thinking of her. That much time gets along with so much beer. That much beer drags along with too little sleep.  Exhausted !!!

Two "small" regional projects that save the boss's ass were a little less than limit I can handle.

The engine is too old. No matter how I lubricate the lever, brush the rusty surface, fill the gas tank. It is too old to operate. No matter how I desire to save that machine, there's no response at all. It was me who left it alone for too long, now it left me. The engine that this mechanical heart left me in pieces.

That is what people say : You'll deserve what you planted.

Last thing, the very last to-do thing:
  - Make sure that she knows how I feel
  - Make sure that I know how she feel
  - Make the decision that leave no regret for both.
That's the plan ! Too serious !

...

Miss neko-chan >"<
...

Busy lives

Darling,
Are you too busy to listen my song to the end ?
Are you too busy to enjoy the painting on the road ?
Are you too busy to look up to the starry night and dream a wish ?
Or just to say "I love you" ?

Would hold your hands,
Would hold you tight,
Treasure your smile,
Deep into my eyes.

Just tell me, darling
.
.
.
How to win back your love again ?
Time,
I need time,
You need time.
Love, only love can break down the wall someday.
I would try to change things that killed our love.
.....
Would you give me a chance
To start once again,
As I'm still loving you.

Is there really no chance ?
To start once again ?

...........................

Did I push you too much ?
Did I let myself too far ?
Can I not imagine the future without you in my life,
So painful that I have to close my eyes.