Uncertainty

What is that I need from her ? My effort was said to be not consistence and continuous, as a result, the outcome is nothing but fragments, like those shattered pieces of glass on the floor, and from time to time, I picked one by one, got my fingers cut, and complain about my broken heart... What a pain !!!

Spending more than enough time only to find out what I need from her, maybe a word of forgiveness ... for what I had done in the past, that I didn't realize I was the one initializing the break-up, that I was too foolish, ... and that I made her cry.... 

Wanna tell her face to face, yet ... wonder is it a wise decision ? 

Just don't wanna remind her those sad memory... 

Just get satisfied by living in the same city, under the same sky, and maybe sometimes we're gazing at the same thing.

Just feel pleased knowing she's doing fine at this moment... 

Saying her she's my whole world, and hand grabbing tightly another world.

One dream too beautiful to wake up, and too painful to keep on.

Said it all, nothing to say at all ... nothing I said that matter, it doesn't matter any more ... 

It hurts the most when realizing ... she's not there, in the imagined future of mine ... 

I'm even lying myself ... 

That I love her ? I don't know

That I don't care what the hell is going on with her ? I'm not sure, ... 

And yes, it's obvious that the only one holding the answer is myself, ... 

Oh my god, my skull is breaking ... my brain is stuck in this infinite recursion ...