Wishes and the dissatisfaction of current life.

Could I turn back time ? like back to my several saving point as I could in visual game ?
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When would I choose ?
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What would I do ?
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What would I become ? Still the same "me" in 2010 ... or
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What would I pay ? it must be an equivalent price ... could it be not ? if not ? I only have a few valuable "things" in my life, for which I could give my all. And if ... and if I traded "it", ... thinking of it is really painful.
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Back to the question since this early morning, why do I choose to stay like this ?
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Yeah, "it simply suits me" is an out-dated answer. I'm looking for something else. What is it ? "Not get dragged down by others" is also not surprising, or "not drag anyone down." ... Look around ! How many people out there may ever think of doing the same thing ? Suddenly realized that ... It wasn't them, it was me. The one who said goodbye. The one who was so childish, don't know how to appreciate what I had. The one who changed and tossed away the relationships... I'm the worst ! It's not like if I could turn back time, I wouldn't do so, but I would never allow myself to involve them any more !

Wonder if an arm ? a leg ? an eye ? a scar ? or a relationship ? or ... my soul ... which one will make the payment ? What a scary part of story, yet it must be there.

It's not like there's a person knowing I make this decision, so they won't be hurt. Maybe it's good if my friends had never met me. 

Somebody ? witch ? fairy ? devil ? alien ? god ? ... whoever, whichever, whatever ... I don't care XDDD

If one person's soul could be described as a room, I wonder how mine looks like ?
Toys ? not really
Book ? not really
Modern tech-ware ? not really
Color would be dark black
Flower ? maybe
Pets ? absolutely
Sport-ware ? yeah
It must have looked simple and plain.

No matter how many time people say human are always complicated creature, I never thought so ... they're all mostly benefit driven ! Why do they get angry ? why do they get upset ? what makes them happy ? Things does, or does not happen as they want. Self-benefit is a huge and ever-hungry beast.... Some plays hero, there must be some play villain. Some "bad"  exists, looking at that, they decide what's "good", and try to get rid of "bad". Ridiculous ! Totally ridiculous ! They forget the cause-effect principle, don't they ? After that, which will play "bad", outdated or "least good" from the "good", I guess. haha ! Who gives them right to decide ?
haha ! thinking of how great human think of themselves out of nowhere ! Why an alien must always have a part that human can define, legs ? eyes ? hand ? ... even fairy/god/devil ... why must they have human or look-like-human form ?

Enough of non-sense thinking ! haha ! Time to get back to project, project and project !!!