E.M.O.D

Extreme Mode Of Depression !!!

Only because I was not happy when I was supposed to [dreaming of my unrequited love]...
Remember not a long time ago, it could make my whole day a pinkish paradise ...

Why ?
Why didn't I feel happy ?
Why don't I feel hopeful ?

It doesn't happen everyday, do I know that ?
And I may not happen again, do I realize that ?
She is my ultimate goal, no ?

Perhaps it's "Good Ending" is the reason, when I was so much into it yesterday. Thought they're stupid, yet couldn't help ... Sigh ... what a scary otaku spirit !!!

Yeah ! Kurokawa is right. I always run away because I'm so afraid of getting hurt. Getting rejected is really painful, and I never want to experience it again. Right, Right ! Whatever you say, I know them all ! Simply cannot bring myself to that execution square one more time ! [A trauma ? I guess ! Sighhhh !]

And to amplify this EMOD, my ID card expires !?! And I had to spend this whole morning walking around different buildings just to know the reason why ! Yet the answer I got is "your inquiry will be processed in 3 working days." What ? 3 working days ? No way !!! Thinking of leaving my favorite working spot for 3 days ? Kind of disappointed when staff are not trained well enough to deal with such circumstance smoothly. Thinking of showing a friendly smiling face to straingers so that they would help me open the entrance door makes me sick !!!!!!!!!!!!

What's more ? I miss Mt.Rainier. Its coldness, freshness, pureness, quietness... the air, the tree, the little fox, (wonder how is she right now), some annoying birds ... And above all, I love to be alone. I miss my best friend, Mono ! Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! Not sure if the day when I quit researching and work as a chef comes ????

Feel jealous of that stray cat ... nothing to worry at all ! And at least it got one person, me, look at it, and ask myself what it is thinking of behind those eyes ? Me ? I wonder there's a person doing the same thing to these dead-fish eyes.

Want to raise a gold fish ... At least I love to have a pet, a friend so that I can talk to ! what's else, the only thing it can do is ... give me a glance, always be there[... not like it wants to, I know !!], give me a listening ear, never talk a word [... not like it can, yet doesn't want ...just cuz I always have high expectation and respect for quiet type !!!]. I prefer having a bird, or a cat, or a rat [!!! like in Ratatouille]. But ... I myself understand that they are meant to live free .... Sigh ... This time I don't care ! the selfish level 5 me seems to win against my usual selfish level 4 !!!

Yeah ! Right now, I prefer animal, tree, plant, ... whatever from the Mother Nature ... but human. They're so complicated, complicated, and complicated !!!! No matter how many years it takes, scientists could never categorize them !

Like to screw everything up now ! Especially my new move from Shinigami sama ... Flipping table top !!!!